An Ode to Her
"You’re the only god I need."
When we met I thought I was the strong one. I was looking for a girl that I could save. I was so blind I couldn’t see that I needed saving, yet there you were — completely perfect.
Our first date was nothing but flawless. You adored me and all of my awkwardness. In you I saw the light I had always wondered, could exist in another like I had always dreamed of. I remember as a child I would have these dreams, that a girl would be there and make me feel safe. When I was ten and woke up and told my mom, “I had this dream of this girl who will be my wife.” It wasn’t in her looks that I knew this, I awoke with an astounding remembrance of what it was like to truly feel safe. It was in that dream I found something that I could never find one to replicate — an emotional security to act as a bulwark. It wasn’t until you that since that dream I had felt it, the warm comfort of your presence was breathless.
What in the hell did I do to be so lucky to have you? I find myself doubting my agnosticism with you in my life. You roll your eyes when I say it, but its true I’d be dead if you didn’t save me. When we met I was on the brink of mental collapse to put it plainly. But still you loved me regardless.
On our anniversary we drove for hours and toured the country. We drove for hours and wandered together endlessly talking. I was so stressed that I wasn’t enough for you, until inspiration must have taken over for you to tell me: “I don’t care if we have no kids or six kids. You are what matters most to me. If you can’t handle it, or never improve mentally, I will always be there for you despite these things.”
Your words immediately floored me. I had never considered the possibility, that you didn’t love me for what I could give you, but for for merely my presence around you.
Its been years now since we first met eyes. And I can plainly say that there isn’t a day that goes by, that I don’t look around at other couples, and think it impossible that they have anything that matches what we have. Through financial hardship and illness, through religious deconstruction and pure bliss, there is no one I would rather have on my side but you. For with you I am not scared of eternity.
Every day that goes by that I am with you, makes me feel more than just lucky. I could die tomorrow and there would be no regrets, because I feel that my existence never deserved such overwhelming love. Because of you I don’t fear what is beyond. I might close my eyes and like a lit candle flicker off for eternity, but there is no way death could scare me, when I have had you this long beside me. You’re the only god I need.
That’s beautiful. There are few that find what you have. I’m so grateful that I also had a relationship like that.